Fights with My Baby Pictures

Looking at my baby pictures,

While flipping through my baby album…

Stunned man,

Those eyes, those eyes, I can’t believe those are my eyes…

 They were looking straight at the camera then…

Now they are looking straight at me…

Got mini me asking me questions, about me… and who the hell I’ve become…

Like I broke a couple of deals or something….

Like I broke an agreement…

She’s asking me questions-

My baby picture is asking me questions

And I can’t look at her and answer

I can’t bring myself to look at her… and answer

What happened to my virginity?

I lost it over a bet when I was 14- should I tell her?

What did you do with God?

I lost him a while ago- should I tell her?

When did you forget how to love?

When I got lost, and caught up and broken up by love-should I tell her?

How can I tell her?

There’s things a little girl’s not supposed to hear-

But still she wants to know how I let her disappear.

Did you find daddy and hug him?

No

Were you smart in school?

I did so-so

Are you a star yet?

Have you traveled? Been around? Bought a house and car yet?

Uhhh-

She wants to know how far off schedule I am behind-

What I’ve been allowing to run through her young mind

Why I’m meaner and less kind

My baby picture is demanding me to tell her…

Why I chose dreads over permed hair-

And when that changed?

Why I prefer flat shoes over heals

And why I’m not tamed

What kind of food I have for my meals?

And aren’t I ashamed?

Of whom I’ve become???

Are you seeing any one?

I see this one guy on a low.

That’s a shame- Angel- I thought you’d be the type to show.

Look I know-

But before I could say anymore…

She looked at me and said to…

Strip me of my name-

We are nothing like the same-

You’re nothing like I’d hope I’d turn out to be-

How could an older me have so much failure and hypocrisy-

How could you forget me? 

And what I stood for- And my dreams to be?

Where’s my innocence?

What happened to me?

What have you done to me?

Then she cried to me…and said she wasn’t proud of me-

I wanted to slip into the paper of picture and wipe her eyes-

But the paper was to thin, I couldn’t get within-

So then I wanted to go back through time

but she interrupted my thoughts- and asked

When did you let me die?

I admitted it was sometime in 2009-

Baby Angel things were hard-they were tough

And when there was no light in my mind, with neither you nor my reflection or shadow in sight-

I made my own decisions most were wrong and some were right-

But you weren’t there so don’t judge

Blame it on the economy-

On reality

On womanhood-

On not having supportive daddies

On immorality-

On alcohol

And temptations

Blame it on Satan

And on the fact that it’s normal to be in a relationship and mating

Blame it on mental illness and on days when I was will less…

And I know I gradually let you die

But I buried you in the pieces of my heart

So we would never be apart

Till death itself do us part-

RIP

Rest in Peace---

Fights with my baby picture.

Written By: Angel Uwamahoro

Performed By: Mike Kayihura aka Big Mike, Angel Mutoni, and Angel Uwamahoro at Spoken Word Rwanda

Watch Performance!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUS_-0rEwEw